


Re. Re. Re.

by blumvale (sailorpipn)



Series: Winner Takes All [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Emails, Epistolary, F/M, M/M, Multi, Sexual Frustration, potential threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:12:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1328062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorpipn/pseuds/blumvale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After making a bet, Scott and Stiles exchange emails, lamenting about having to say no to their partners. Who can hold out from sex longer?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Re. Re. Re.

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the epistolary square on my trope bingo card

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 9:18 AM

Subject: YOU SUCK BALLS

Dude, I am going to kick your ass all the way from here to China. This bet was the worst idea I ever let you talk me into. I can’t believe I agreed to this! What the hell were we thinking! Last night Allison wore her blue lingerie and damn man! It’s my favorite! She looked so good!

This whole thing is ridiculous. We are adults! There is no reason to be betting like children. Lets just call the whole thing off!

Okay, man?

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 11:10 AM

Subject: Yes, sometimes I do suck balls :D

NO WAY IN HELL DUDE! It hasn’t even been a week you pussy. And you’re not the only one with a hot piece of ass waiting for you at home. But if you’d like to cave, I’m ok with winning. Derek and I will be happy to have you babysit for us when little Schlomo or Schloma is born.

PS: I don’t need to hear about Allison’s lingerie. She’s like a sister to me. EW!

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 12:03 PM

Subject: Schlomo or Schloma????????

Stiles are you high?

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 12:20 PM

Subject: Re: Schlomo or Schloma????????

Come on man! We grew up on reruns of The Nanny. Get your act together or I’m gonna tie you to a chair this weekend and make you watch Star Wars.

Now stop your bitching! I’m going back to work!

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 12:28 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Schlomo or Schloma????????

Ok… but dude. We never specified – we can still masturbate right? Because if not, Fuck You we are totally 100% calling this off. No one wins and we never try and bet anything again.

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 12:41 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Schlomo or Schloma????????

1 – do not mention your personal Scott time in an email that has my future children’s names in it

and 2 of course you can have your personal Scott time. **NOT!!** The bet is to see who can hold out the longest!! Suck it LOSER! I’m gonna kick your ass!

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Sat, March 5, 2022 at 3:34 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Schlomo or Schloma????????

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

~tw~

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Tues, March 8, 2022 at 2:39 AM

Subject: can’t sleep

Allison brought out the big guns tonight. She put the porn we both like the best on and then started to tie me to the bed. I had to keep wiggling away but damn she’s strong when she wants to be. Finally I had to jump from the bed claiming diarrhea and spent thirty minutes in the bathroom groaning and complaining that it was never ending. Really I just read one of Allison’s old People magazines that she keeps next to the toilet.

Now I’m in the living room and I think I might hate this couch. Has it always been so uncomfortable? I snuck into the bedroom after I was sure Allison was asleep to grab my pillow but damn it all to hell, I cannot get comfortable.

I really think I hate this couch!

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Tues, March 8, 2022 at 9:10 AM

Subject: Re: can’t sleep

You’re such a baby. I slept fine on that couch last month when I was hungover. It’s a fine couch. You’re just upset since you can’t bang your wife. Well, you can, if you’re willing to admit defeat? Hmm? Just give in Scott. I’m ready for my victory dance.

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Tues, March 8, 2022 at 10:10 AM

Subject: Please no for the love of God!

No one, let me repeat that NO ONE wants to see you dance. Derek only tolerates your ‘moves’ because he knows if he doesn’t he’s never getting in your pants again.

 

~tw~

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Thurs, March 10, 2022 at 1:12 PM

Subject: lunch?

Dude wtf? You were supposed to meet me for lunch at 12:30! How could you possible have forgotten when I we confirmed everything at 11. And you didn’t answer your phone when I tried calling you. You know Mario gets disappointed when you stand me up.

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Thurs, March 10, 2022 at 2:00 PM

Subject: still not your wife, Scotty

Sorry I stood you up. Did you cry when you realized I wasn’t coming? I bet Mario gave you an extra dessert when he saw all your tears. I hope you didn’t flood the place.

I was stuck at work, quite literally at my desk because Derek came in to visit. He apparently forgot it was my day to have lunch with you, and brought in wraps from the Bistro on Main. Damn that was one good wrap. Derek even remembered to order me some extra bacon. Delicious!

But then someone, not me, decided to close the blinds to my office and may have gotten under my desk to have some Princess Sophia time. This bet may have ruined future sexy times at work. T T what’s the point of having my own office if I can’t enjoy it? But no! I had to tell Derek it was inappropriate! Oh woe is me!

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Thurs, March 10, 2022 at 3:37 PM

Subject: and everyone knows you love inappropriate stuff

Yeah, I bet Derek had a hard time believing that one. Especially since I remember how proud you were when you first got that office and Derek had some Princess Sophia time. And seriously dude, I do not feel comfortable calling your dick Princess Sophia. I don’t care that How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a fantastic movie, that part is just strange. There has to be a better name.

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Thurs, March 10, 2022 at 4:04 PM

Subject: Princess Sophia

Oh yes. Please Scott. Please give my dick a pet name. I think that’s what’s been missing from my life. My best friend, almost brother, having a pet name for my penis. When you think of a good one, please let me know.

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Fri, March 11, 2022 at 6:11 PM

Subject: got one

How about Russell the One Eyed Love Muscle????

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Fri, March 11, 2022 at 6:55 PM

Subject: Re: got one

NO!

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Sat, March 12, 2022 at 6:16 AM

Subject: Re: Re: got one

The Manaconda?

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Sat, March 12, 2022 at 12:21 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: got one

You’re dead to me.

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Sat, March 12, 2022 at 6:16 AM

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: got one

Ok fine, that wasn’t a good name. Bet Derek doesn’t seriously call your dick Princess Sophia, does he?

… NO never mind. I don’t want to know. Forget I asked.

 

~tw~

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Tues, March 15, 2022 at 12:20 PM

Subject: this will be the death of me

Dude – I’m dying. I’m pretty sure my balls are shriveling up or they’re just gonna detach themselves from my body and find someone who’s gonna use them. this is ridiculous!

Last night Allison brought Kira up at dinner. She’s planning on inviting her to visit and stay with us this weekend. Do you remember the last time Kira stayed with us for the weekend?? Do you?? Seriously dude We Need To Call This Off!!

But I don’t get why she’s inviting Kira over… it’s great! Wonderful, even. The two of them together, super hot. I have the most amazing wife EVER. But it’s not my birthday or hers… Our anniversary isn’t for a few months. And last month I even remembered our first date. Our real first date, the one we had back in high school, not the first date we had when we got back together senior year of college.

Do you think Allison’s gonna say she’s ready for a third baby?? We’ve talked about how many we’d like to have and we’re both steady in our jobs… but Andy’s not even seven months old. We waited more than a year after Stella to try for Andy… And Andy’s been so colicky,,, I’m not sure I’m ready for another baby! Though if this is Allison’s way of buttering me up to the idea, I might come around. Except I can’t enjoy it because of our stupid bet! I think I should get a reprieve for the night with Kira. The bet was to hold out sex from Allison. Kira was never mentioned!

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Tues, March 15, 2022 at 2:45 PM

Subject: ha ha shrively balls

Ok, don’t pretend for a second you don’t remember all your anniversaries. I’m sure you two celebrate the first time you held hands, the first time you had sex, the first time you had Eskimo kisses in the hall. Blecka! I think im gonna make myself sick with all this sugar crap.

If Allison’s ready for a third baby then you’re ready for a third baby. I know you, Scott. You prepared like crazy before Stella was born. You read every baby book available and you were nesting almost as much as Allison. Hell, Allison could tell you she’s already pregnant and you’d be fine. Don’t worry. You two make the cutest babies and Allison doesn’t need to use sex or Kira to convince you it’s time to have another.

And do you think you’re the only one suffering. Just because I don’t send you daily messages whining about how much my dick misses Derek’s perfect ass doesn’t mean it doesn’t. Seriously if my dick could write, and im not talking about pee letters in the snow, I mean really write, then my dick would write sonnets about Derek’s ass. Because it’s the most perfect ass known to mankind. I swear you could bounce a quarter off of it!

And last night the asshole ate a popsicle right in front of me. A popsicle, Scott!

PS: Do you need Derek and me to watch the troublemakers?? I mean munchkins

PPS: no Kira is not a loophole in the bet, sorry. Whoops, so not sorry

 

To: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

From: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

Date: Tues, March 15, 2022 at 4:02 PM

Subject: what does a popsicle have to do with anything?

I think the subject line says it all. But seriously, what??

And don’t laugh at my shrively balls, douche bag.

And no for babysitting. Apparently Chris is gonna take the kids. Allison’s got it lined up. And even if Chris wasn’t, I wouldn’t give my kids to you because I’m not helping you win this bet.

 

To: McCallPetMD@gmail.com

From: StilinskiRulez@hotmail.com

Date: Tues, March 15, 2022 at 8:55 PM

Subject: ha ha you basically just admitted that im gonna win

I’m gonna laugh at your shrively balls all I want! It’s my right as your best friend to laugh at your balls.

As for the popsicle, dude use your imagination! He kept putting something long and hard in his mouth, moaning as he enjoyed every lick. In and out, over and over. And then he wanted to bring chocolate sauce to bed!

Damn… maybe I should have agreed to let you have your Scott alone time so I could go have some Stiles alone time. Should we bet to see whose balls are shrivelier? Hmm?? I bet I could win that too!

**Author's Note:**

> if you have more prompts/requests you can contact me on tumblr :) http://blumvale.tumblr.com/


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